Start Tips on dating relationships

Tips on dating relationships

5) Assess your options - Once you know your dating market, you can see who might be interested in an exchange. So, take both into consideration for success in dating and relating. I think being who you are and improving is a fine line, that I, and I'm guessing sometimes others, get confused. What if you think what a certain type of person wants isn't really what they want?

Welcome back to The Attraction Doctor I'm taking a break from my series on rejection to comment on another matter.

For those of you who might not know, there is an interesting discussion going on in the Psychology Today blogosphere. White's message is that figuring out what you want in a relationship (and being authentic to who you are) is more important than guessing about what others want you to be (and trying to fit those expectations).

Staying true to your values is indeed a wonderful way to stay authentic to who you are at the core, while also reacting to feedback necessary to accomplish desired goals.

If you're looking for creative men, then check out what they are into. Get to know the dating market you're interested in - and what they are looking to "buy" in return. Then see whether what you're willing to give matches up with their wants too. However, if you don't like your options, then it is time to rethink the steps above. We can put the age-old dating debate to rest - BOTH what you want and what they want matters. For instance, I wish people wouldn't think about "do women [or men] want me to be welathy, or funny, or sexy, or outgoing, etc." and then trying to be that person instead of being their authentic selves. White's message is that figuring out what you want in a relationship (and being authentic to who you are) is more important for a successful love life than guessing about what others want you to be (and trying to fit those expectations). With the right person, dating is both a satisfying exchange - and an authentic one. For example, if one is more on the pessimistic side is it okay to allow yourself to be that way or is one supposed to become an optimist?

In a satisfying relationship, BOTH your wants and the wants of your partners matter. Social Exchange Theory is a perspective within social psychology that describes human relationships (Kelly & Thibaut, 1978; Thibaut & Kelly, 1959).

Essentially, according to the theory, the stability of all relationships are the result of each individual making decisions about the following: So, we form relationships with people who give as much to us as we give to them (ratio), treat us in accordance with our expectations (satisfaction), and are our best alternatives at the time and place (dependence).

When looking for love, should you focus on "being what others want" and making yourself appealing?